i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
where are you?
Hypothermia
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
