these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
