You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
