the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
where are you?
Hypothermia
Even my vagina gasped.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
