i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
