my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize