also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
