I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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