Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
