I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
