AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I could fuck to npr.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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