Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
