Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
