I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
