Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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