She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
