Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
