i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
