I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
