You can't special order awesome
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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