hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
