i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
