toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
