First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
sex in a hospital.. check
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
