I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
