I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
