I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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