No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
