like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
