Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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