just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize