what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
