I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
