Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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