if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
did i walk over a car last night?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i think im in europe. pls send help
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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