There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize