i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
