Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
