If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
