Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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