If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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