I cockslap morals
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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