party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You can't special order awesome
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
