You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
