I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
