Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
