I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We got so high we made milksteak
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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