this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
