Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
