so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize