So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
