She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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