haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
