In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
