i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I bet he comes in French.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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