Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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