Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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