a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize