And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
