so explain again why im purple
no
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
