he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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