i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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