I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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