She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
