Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
