He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize