i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
