So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize