i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
