i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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