i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
