a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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