he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
