so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
