I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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