He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
