I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
