Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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