i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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