I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
