They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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