Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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