Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
