I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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