did you get engaged???
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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