i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
