Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
