she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
