i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
