I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
