I cannot find my penis.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
