It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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