no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
