I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
