I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
