We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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