I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
