my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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