He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
