Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
