allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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