so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
