i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
