Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Randomize
