Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize