hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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