If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
