I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
