Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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