gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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