i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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