We need to rekindle our bromance
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
