I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
