Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
